I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
