Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
