My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
