Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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