Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
