Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
