Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had sex on a roof
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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