erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
