What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
