Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's blow job season.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
