What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
