i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Randomize
