If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she peed on how many people?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
