Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize