So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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