just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Houston, we have a blender
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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