i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
