either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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