I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
