nut hugger
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know her cup size but not her name....
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