If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize