i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
