Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
