I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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