Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
