I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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