Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
