I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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