i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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