My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
