we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And my parents said I crawled through the house
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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