I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
