Define "chronic" masturbator.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
