He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
