Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
