I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
do herpes really smell.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Randomize
