and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
