He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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