Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize