how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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