Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was confusing and full of hummus
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
