i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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