3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
