Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
