I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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