you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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