My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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