i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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