did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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