How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
