Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize