Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
