I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
