Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
