im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
