The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
