I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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