at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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