Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How's work?
Spinning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
