Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize