dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
