I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
