does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize